I'm Done Pretending
by ghrocks07
Summary: Sam/Andy fic.  Sam's life is put in jeopardy on their undercover mission.  When Andy faces the concept of losing him, will it change the way she feels towards him on a personal level? Please read and review.
1. Chapter 1

They were on an undercover op.

They had to pretend they were in a relationship.

Basically, this "pretending to have feelings for each other" was going to be both the easiest thing they had to do, and the hardest thing they had to deny to each other in the end.

It was obvious, to not only them, but to everyone around them. Therefore they know it, they just won't admit it. And the fact that they would sometime have to face reality and break this friendship cover the had going was inevitable.

The way he made her feel was almost indescribable. She felt safe when he was by her side, protected, loved.

The way he kissed her when they were undercover, she knew it wasn't just for the mission. It was _so _much more than that.

And even though this assignment was extremely dangerous, she didn't want it to end anytime soon… because through this cover, she could live out her own fantasy. Twisted, yes, but true. There were no strings attached, no decisions between him and Luke that had to be made, no one had to get hurt in the end... It may sound horrible, but it was what it was. And it was all fine, this denial… this dismissal, until now.

The op went awry. Sam's life was in serious danger. He had a gun to his head, as he was shoved away into a secluded hallway a few feet away. His cover might be blown, and he could be killed any second.

Now, all she could think about was what she never said, what she never did, what they missed out on.

How stupid and naïve she'd been, thinking that, eventually, things would work out with Luke.

They wouldn't, no matter how much time was permitted. He was just the safe choice. A victim of her way of coping, of protecting herself from getting hurt, of the subconscious sealing off of her vulnerable side.

She knew she shouldn't be this emotional on the job, when his life was in jeopardy. Sure, if it were Luke, she'd be scared to death as well, but there was something more here, something she couldn't describe.

There was a knot in the pit of her stomach, threatening to overtake her as she drew in each weary, unsteady breath. She would be lost without Sam; he was the only person she could really turn to for help, the only person that she trusted with her life.

Here was her revelation. This time, it was real. They couldn't pretend anymore. She had to stop living life on the safe side; she had to take risks, even though she might get hurt in the end, because sooner or later, the risk will be worth taking. But how will you know, if you never take the chance, right? And her first step towards this new way of life was confessing her feelings towards Sam. She'd made up her mind. She would.

The only drawback, now?

_A gunshot rang through the vicinity, emanating from the hallway a few feet away._

… Was she too late?


	2. Chapter 2

The sound of the shot jolted through Andy's body. Everything around her seemed to fade to the background. She glanced around herself several times, while shaking her head back and forth.  
"No, no.." She muttered underneath her breath, still disoriented—lost in thought.

Her heart raced, her adrenaline surged—making for a dangerous combination.

There weren't enough adjectives in any world language that could describe everything she was feeling within these few moments.

Her dazed state only lasted for about five seconds.  
Now, she channeled everything she was going through to her efforts of figuring out a way to close the distance between her and whatever could be waiting for her around the hall.

The first thing in her way was the guard standing a few feet from her, who seemed to disregard the shot—an almost "just-another-day-at-work" casualty. She was infuriated.

He had a close eye on her, but nothing could have helped the person assigned to control Andy if someone she cared for was in danger.

_Cared for _damn well being an understatement.

Words were unnecessary. Possibly incapable for her as well in this moment.

Before the man had a chance to flinch, Andy had attacked and subdued him (to a state of unconsciousness), driven by a force and determination she never knew existed.

She could feel her heartbeat in her neck, behind her ears, overwhelming her chest. An aching she forced to the background, though ever-present.

She quickly grabbed the man's side-arm and raced towards the hallway—her legs feeling unsteady and untrustworthy.

Andy drew in one last sharp breath and rounded the corner expeditiously.  
The dull, flickering light that illuminated the hallway… exposed nothing.  
There wasn't anything in sight, but high tension and action lie ahead. Shouting and arguing were audible from the doorway a few feet in front of her, and seemed to be escalating quickly.

She rushed to the doorway, gun drawn and ready, only to find Sam.  
In a room with three other men.  
And he held them at gunpoint.

A pointed smile, a flash of playfulness in his eyes, and Andy thought she was going to die then and there.

This time not from desperation or anticipation, but alleviation.


	3. Chapter 3

**_A/N: Hi guys! I know it's been quite a while... but I'm back. :)  
__Please, please, please review this chapter for me! It will influence how I finish off the story._**

**_..._**

"What took you so long?" Sam jested lightly to Andy, while still commanding obedience from the criminals lying prone on the ground. "One guy decided to start firing, and as you can tell I didn't appreciate it much."

She relaxed from her stiff procedural training position and sighed—just taking this moment in.  
Glancing at him, her eyes lit in amusement as she tensed her jaw and pushed her tongue against the inside of her cheek.

His question was rhetorical—whether he intended it that way or not.

The sound of commands and movement from down the hall had eased all remaining tension still left in the room. The tact teams were moving in; back up had arrived.

Upon entry, Sam and Andy lowered their weapons and allowed for the fresh officers to deal with the situation from there, then headed back to the station to debrief.

After several hours of paperwork and interviews, finally came the time that they were allowed to leave.  
It was about 10pm. Andy had ambled into the locker room, tired and drained.

Now was one of the times where she had an entire mess of uncategorized and complex thoughts lingering around in her mind. They needed to be addressed—soon—but not now.

She approached her locker to find Traci sitting on the bench, her face etched with yearning.  
"Hey, there you are. I heard the operation didn't go as planned, what happened?"  
"Oh, uh – one of the men got aggravated and had threatened Sam. Instead of maintaining our cover, we had to blow it early, but fortunately we still got the bust in the end."  
"Oh, really? Well that's good news?" Traci inquired.  
"Yeah. It is."  
"Then what's up?"  
Andy looked confused by this response. "What do you mean?"  
"You look like you saw a ghost, hon. Is something wrong?"

Andy was taken back. Was it really that easy to tell that something was bothering her? She didn't quite understand the situation herself yet, or what had really taken place behind-the-scenes, so she didn't want to fill Traci in on everything right now.

She did her best to shake her head nonchalantly. "Oh, no, Trace—I'm fine. Just exhausted, that's all. It's been a long couple days and I could really use some rest tonight."

Traci still looked skeptical, but let the topic go for the time being. "Alright, sweetie, then I'm heading out now. I'll see you next shift, call me if you need anything in the meantime, k?"  
"Of course." Andy responded gently.  
Traci rested her hand on Andy's shoulder for a second and then left the locker room—leaving Andy as the only person occupying it. An eerie silence surrounded her.

Andy changed out of her clothes she used for her cover, settling for a plain white tee, jeans, and a light sweater. Once finished, instead of heading home immediately, she took a seat on the bench and rested her face in her hands, rubbing her eyes and forehead.

Although she really hadn't desired to put thought into the day's events before a long night's sleep, because Traci had noticed that something was up she felt she should at least touch on the subject.

_Before everything shot to hell, it was just another day at work. _

_Another day in the field.  
Another day with Sam.  
Just. Another. Day._

_So why the hell does it feel like my entire Life's changed?  
_

_Because of the concept of losing Sam. God knows he's more than just a partner.  
And it might've very well been the first time I've ever come to terms with reality and admitted this._

But… nothing's really changed.  
On his part, _**nothing happened out of the ordinary.**_

So, wait. It really is just another day.  
There weren't a turn of events that undoubtedly required admission of feelings, though it was damn near close to it. I guess that brings us to… now what?

_What do I do?_  
_Just play it off? Put everything aside again? It was just a false alarm; a moment of disillusionment, if you will. I psych myself out at times. Make everything bigger than what it really is.  
…Like Sam says, I over-think._

_But this wasn't just a moment of weakness.  
It was... a moment of clarity.  
What if next time I don't get a second chance?  
I will have never said what seems to be within my heartfelt emotions—the truth._

Andy had had enough. Too many questions, not enough answers. This can wait, right now she just needed rest.

She grabbed her backpack, slipped the ring of her keys on her finger, closed her locker, and slipped out the station through the back door which led to the parking lot.  
_  
_The night air cooled her body temperature, and felt refreshing. She exhaled, and her breath was visible in her path. Just as she rounded the building, she glanced up, noticing a familiar truck still in the lot.  
Sam's truck.  
Though curious as to why he hadn't left yet, she dismissed it.  
_Not important right now._

And that's when it hit her.  
Or she hit it, rather.  
Not paying attention, she ran right into whom she probably least wished to right now.  
Sam.

"Crap!" Andy shrieked, startled.  
Sam, amused as expected, steadied her with his left arm briefly before letting go and standing up straighter.  
"I guess I found you." He stated.  
She studied him for a second. "You were looking?"  
"You could say that."

Andy was nervous. Thousands of things flew through her head. Of course she'd run into him right now, (no pun intended), because it was the worst possible timing for her. Not that he'd know that though, right?

"What's up?" She continued, leery.  
"Back in the op, something seemed off. You were quiet… seemed distant, I guess. I just wanted to make sure everything was okay."

A look of nervousness shot across Andy's face.

_Oh my God. There was no way this was happening.  
How could he see right through me—and everything I feel?_

She replayed the highlights of the night's events in her head in like a 10-second mental slideshow. Recaps and footnotes, advantages and disadvantages, professional occurrences and personal feelings…_  
_

Sam looked at her intensely, trying to understand what was happening.  
She met his gaze for the moment, biting her lower lip, still immersed in her own thoughts, then looked back down.

_But when you really think about it, is it a bad thing that he has that ability?  
If he didn't, this opportunity never would have presented itself.  
C'mon, Andy. Make up your mind. Now's the time.  
Say something, or nothing at all… but don't just stand ther-_

Her thoughts were interrupted by the easiness of Sam's voice. Gentle, soft.  
This was the moment of truth… of clarity… of reality.

"..Andy?"


	4. Chapter 4

Andy had never been one to let her feelings show, or confess the blunt, honest truth on the spot.  
If put under pressure, she'd clam up—simple as that.

And that was veritably what Sam had anticipated tonight.  
He knew her, all too well, and therefore just wanted to make sure that she was alright.  
He had no idea that all conflict she possessed was spotlighted on him this time.

Andy took in the sound of his voice when he said her name.  
If there were any reservations left in her body, they'd all diminished after his one-line killer.  
_Kind of like, "You wanna talk?"_  
_Oh great, here we go again. Contain yourself, Andrea.  
_

A pause.

_Alright, no more._ _You may sound stupid, or vulnerable, or god-knows-what-else.. but screw it.  
Let it go.  
It's Sam standing in front of you… not a room full of critics._

Sam was extremely concerned now. As gifted as he was for being able to tell what she was thinking, what she was going through… All of those talents weren't cooperative at this point.

Andy could swear her heart was beating nearly as hard and fast as it was when the gunshot rang earlier that day. Her palms were sweating, slightly shaking.  
_C'mon, what is this, kindergarten? Just get it over with already._

She had made her decision. Here goes… well, everything.

"Okay-" She broke the silence.

Sam intently searched her eyes, waiting for her to continue.

She started shaking her head slightly, as she always did when she was unsure of something she was about to say.

"I don't really know how to say this- or if it's as big a deal as I've made it.. but-" She exhaled, then continued. "Today, I was fine, ok? Just another day at work." She paused as she recalled her lone conversation in the locker room.

Sam looked baffled. He'd hit a nerve. She seemed upset with him, as far as he interpreted it. He lifted his hands in an unintentional-apologetic manner.

"Look, sorry. Didn't mean anything by-" He started.

Andy picked up on this and thoughtlessly corrected her misleading.

"Until the shot went off."

His face dropped slightly, his eyes widened. Now he started putting the pieces together.

"Sam, all I knew was that you'd been taken away—out of my line of sight… When I heard the shot, I thought…" She swallowed.

He stared in disbelief. She kept going, not acknowledging him for a second.

"I've been in situations like this before. But tonight was different."

She looked up at him, and they locked gazes effortlessly.  
His eyes were soft, sweet—filled with compassion and concern.

"Sam.. tonight it was you. And I wasn't-" She closed her eyes and corrected herself. "I'm **not **ready to lose you." She looked away.

He reached out and grabbed her forearm, bending his knees slightly to catch her gaze once more.

"Andy, I'm right here. I didn't go anywhere.."

Again, she interrupted him, desperately trying to justify herself. "I know, I know." She shook her head as if she regretted saying something. _He did think it was stupid._

"Can you stop cutting me off for a second?"

She lifted her arms defensively.. "I'm sorry, I guess what I'm trying to say is-"

Sam had enough. Now it was his turn to cut her off, his turn to shut her up for a couple seconds. He did what came instinctively to him in that moment.

..It was _his _turn to pull a stunt similar to the night of the blackout.

Without warning, he closed the space between them, wrapped his left arm around her waist, his right behind her neck, and pressed his lips against hers.

She had her arms on his chest, but quickly moved them to behind his head, running her fingers through his hair, and then deepening the kiss.

It was passionate, spontaneous. Time stood still.

After a few seconds, they broke, both a little flustered and out of breath.  
She rested her hands on the base of his neck for the moment, and then began to speak—again.

"You know," she started, a content, playful smile etched across her face.  
"Hmm?" He hesitantly responded. His gaze still fixed upon her lips.  
"What I was going to say, before interrupted, was that.. I'm done pretending."  
His eyes lit at this.

"Good. Because I never was."


End file.
